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GOAL! Paris Saint-Germain 5-4 Bayern Munich (Diaz 68)
Kane, quarterbacking from deep, wedges down the middle. Diaz wriggles clear, taking a touch on the penalty spot to sit Marquinhos down, and whip-curls a shot into the right-hand side of the goal. But the flag goes up for offside. VAR will check.
68 min: I mean, it’s not looking like this is going to end 5-3 either. Olise dribbles hard down the right and crosses low, but Kane can’t get on the end of it. The ball pings back to Musiala, whose shot is blocked. And then …
67 min: Another Bayern free kick out on the left. Kimmich swings it in again. Safonov isn’t being beaten so easily twice, and comes off his line to absolutely blast a punch clear.
66 min: This is now the highest-scoring single leg of a European Cup semi-final in history. And there’s still a quarter of it to go.
GOAL! Paris Saint-Germain 5-3 Bayern Munich (Upamecano 65)
A free kick swung into the PSG box from the left by Kimmich. Upamecano meets it at the far stick, heading down and past Safonov into the bottom right. Simple as that, and turns out Andy Gordon (62 min) was right.
64 min: Warren Zaïre-Emery is replaced by Fabián Ruiz. Haven’t Bayern suffered enough?
62 min: Bayern need something, and they’re not beyond getting it. Diaz dazzles his way past a couple of challenges down the left, but upon reaching the edge of the six-yard box, takes one touch too many and can’t dink the ball over Safonov, who snaffles. “OK, so this might sound stupid, but I can’t see this finishing 5-2,” quips Andy Gordon.
61 min: Up in the stand, the suspended Vincent Kompany stares at a spot exactly 1,000 yards in the distance.
60 min: This is one of the great all-time semi-final performances. And that’s just talking about Bayern Munich, who are three goals down despite contributing so much good football to the occasion. PSG are operating on another level altogether! This is such good fun.
GOAL! Paris Saint-Germain 5-2 Bayern Munich (Dembele 58)
Kane, Musiala and Laimer exchange clipped passes down the middle. It’s a smooth move, but it breaks down on the edge of the PSG box. The hosts counter, and Doue races down the right, before drifting infield and finding Dembele coming in from the left. From the edge of the box, Dembele threads a speculative early shot towards the bottom left. Neuer is rooted to the spot. The ball pings off the base of the post and in! This is suddenly a rout!
GOAL! Paris Saint-Germain 4-2 Bayern Munich (Kvaratskhelia 56)
Hakimi is released into space down the right. A lovely curled long pass from the centre circle by Vitinha. Hakimi enters the box and cuts back. Dembele dummies on the penalty spot, Kvaratskhelia racing in from the left to larrup an unstoppable effort into the bottom left. This game!
54 min: Diaz busies himself down the left again, slipping a pass infield for Laimer, who toe-pokes a first-time shot wide left from six yards out. Not as easy as it sounds: a tight angle, high speed, all that.
53 min: Diaz glides in from the left and floats a diagonal to Stanišić, on the right-hand corner of the six-yard box. Stanišić looks for Kane in the middle, but his square ball is cut out and cleared by Pacho. Kane holds his head in his hands, having been dreaming of a tap-in for nanoseconds.
51 min: Yeah, so the answer to that is: not long. Kvaratskhelia bursts clear down the left in his usual stylish manner. He enters the box and hits the deck. Penalty? Nope, though VAR has a look. Replays show Kvaratskhelia accidentally clipping Upamecano’s leg while pulling the trigger to shoot. He instigated the contact, so nothing doing.
49 min: A slightly subdued to start to the second half, as though both teams have been told to rein it in a bit, and tighten up for Christ’s sake, by their shell-shocked bosses. Let’s see how long everyone can keep toeing the party line on that.
47 min: That PSG penalty for handball was a mildly controversial one, for sure, though it’s probably worth remembering that Uefa officials are usually stricter on this particular subject than Premier League refs. “The ball hit Davies on the hip before his arm so technically should not have been given,” writes Rina in Montreal. “Kimmich can be heard arguing vociferously with the ref.” Meanwhile Niall Mullen adds: “That VAR penalty was like your dad trying to join in when you’re having a night out with your mates. OK Dad, you can tell your joke, but we are already having fun, you know?”
Bayern get the ball rolling for the second half, having replaced the unfortunate Alphonso Davies with Konrad Laimer. They don’t look for touch. “I was invited to a dinner with friends at a good restaurant in Naples this evening but decided this match was the tastier option,” writes Colum Fordham. “And the first half has been antipasto (Kane), primo (Kvaratskhelia), secondo (Neves), dolce (Olise) and liquore (Dembele) all in one. I can’t think what the second half might offer? So I might just go and indulge a bit more. I don’t think I’ve seen a better quality first half in all my born days.”
Just one more thing (from the half-time postbag) … “I can’t help but notice goalscorer João Neves is the spitting image of a young Columbo” – Kate Toft
Half-time postbag. “Of the many amazing things about Kvaratskhelia’s goal, I think my favorite is how he uses Stanisic to block Neuer’s view, hiding what he’s about to do, giving the ball a split second head start on the goalkeeper’s dive. With most players I’d think this was accidental, but I’m pretty sure he did that on purpose” – Kári Tulinius
“This is a football half for the ages. Cannot remember the last time we saw such brilliantly contested attacking football of the highest quality” – Saurav Samaddar
“This is surely the greatest Champions League final of all time and there’s still 135 minutes to go. Wait, you’re telling me there’s two other teams who can notionally still win it and play each other tomorrow?” – David Howell
“A case of Liberté, égalité, absurdité” – Justin Kavanagh
“It’s $2.3m for a ticket to the World Cup final. How much for a ticket for the return leg in Munich?” – Gary Stover
“This fast-paced, end-to-end attacking stuff is all well and good, but I for one can’t wait for tomorrow night when we will get to see some proper attritional defending” – Simon Cherry
“Is that smoke coming from your keyboard, Scott?” – Niall Mullen
HALF TIME: Paris Saint-Germain 3-2 Bayern Munich
… and breathe. We won’t insult your intelligence by asking you to relax. Wow!
GOAL! Paris Saint-Germain 3-2 Bayern Munich (Dembele 45+4)
Dembele whistles the penalty into the bottom right. Neuer dives the correct way, but such was the force of the spot kick, he was never getting there in time. Or not getting enough of himself there. A fingertip wasn’t stopping that!
Penalty to PSG!
45 min +4: The referee draws another screen in the sky, and points to the spot. The ball certainly hit Davies on the hand, which was far enough from his body for the decision to be made, albeit via his thigh. Proximity may have saved him on another day, but not this one.
45 min +3: The referee draws a TV screen in the air, the universal sign for Trouble Afoot. He’s asked over to the screen.
45 min +2: … but VAR is going to take a look, so the ref won’t blow for the half-time break yet.
45 min +1: Hakimi crosses from the right. Tah sticks out a leg to divert out for a corner with Dembele lurking. Dembele goes across to take it himself. The ball’s worked right to left and back again, and Dembele curls a cross into the box. It hits Davies on his hanging arm. Dembele claims a penalty kick. The referee’s not interested …
45 min: Just the one extra minute. Bah.
43 min: That’s stunned the home crowd into relative quiet again. The small Bayern contingent making most of the noise now. What a glorious back-and-forth game of football this has been.
GOAL! Paris Saint-Germain 2-2 Bayern Munich (Olise 41)
This is so easy, yet so brilliant. Olise turns into a little bit of space in the middle, 30 yards out. He ambles towards the box, drawing four defenders from all corners before unleashing hell from the edge of the D. A shot hit with such venom that, while it’s kind of straight at Safonov, the keeper can’t react in time. The ball nearly rips the net off as it jet-sails into the goal. No half-time break, please! Just keep going for as long as you’re all able to stay standing.
39 min: Kvaratskhelia, facing the wrong way on the halfway line, spins Stanišić with ease and looks like tearing off towards goal. But Stanišić does well to get back, and launches a counter. Suddenly he’s clear in the PSG box on the right! But he hesitates when he should be shooting, allowing Pancho to get across and block. This is beyond absurd. Beautifully absurd.
37 min: Diaz jinks his way into the PSG box down the left. He slips in Musiala to his right. Musiala should shoot, but tries to feed Olise only for the ball to roll behind his team-mate. PSG counter, zig-zagging passes and runs up the middle before releasing Doue into space down the inside-right channel. Doue enters the box and drills a low shot across Neuer and inches wide of the left-hand post. This is top-notch entertainment. This is not going to end 2-1.
35 min: … and now Dembele bombs down the middle, clear of everyone except Upamecano. The big defender blocks. But now it’s Bayern’s turn to look all over the shop at the back! It’s only 15 minutes since Olise should have put Bayern two up!
GOAL! Paris Saint-Germain 2-1 Bayern Munich (Neves 33)
The corner comes in from the left. Joao Neves steals a march at the near post, eight yards out, and glances a header across Neuer and into the bottom right! So cute.
32 min: This is breathless end-to-end fun. Olise dribbles into the PSG box from the right. He skips along the byline, and his cross-cum-shot deflects off Safonov, onto the right-hand post, and back into the keeper’s arms. Then the hosts counter, Doue dancing in from the left and fizzing a shot inches wide of Neuer’s bottom left. A slight deflection, and from the corner …
